Through out history the courts have leaned towards mothers getting child custody, full physical custody but there are many laws that have changed this where more fathers are able and getting custody of their children. There are divorced fathers who have full time custody of their children with the mother having visitation rights on the weekends, a complete reversal of norm just ten to fifteen years ago!  Using the appeals process, either parent can obtain custody.  With support being discussed, the topic of being an unfit parent is also addressed, leaving either parent to obtain custody.  Stability in the home life is what is most often looked at when the court has to decide which parent the child is going to live with.

Still in other cases through the country, there are many courts and judges, who are favoring shared custody, but this is still not in all cases. Shared custody is where the mother will have the child (ren) for three or four days and then the father will have the child (ren) for the other three or four days. This goes on each week, where the children are going back and forth spending equal time with both parent. Again, this is one of the biggest arguments when two parents are getting a divorce.

One method that is used when a father is seeking custody is to prove the mother is unfit. If the mother is proven to be unfit, she won't get child custody but she still might get visitation rights and overnight visits.  A mother can be determined unfit through various methods. Consulting your state regulations and laws you will find many examples such as drug use, being an alcoholic, not being able to provide a home or clothing, mental disturbances, and so on.  Of course this can work both ways, if one parent wants to get custody they only have to prove the other unfit and the court will grant the other parent full physical custody.

Either the mother or the father could be proved unfit in a family court case. However, how do you define "unfit" in a child custody suit?  The interest of the children is what matters in child custody.  Couples should think long and hard about if they really want child custody or if they are just being ‘mean’ to their spouse.  If you really have no interest in taking responsibility for the child or children, you need to rethink your custody suit. If you prove the other parent is unfit and you in turn do not care for the child, you also will lose custody.  The child could easily be placed in foster care when two parents are unfit.

Child custody leads to child support and financial issues which are also long and heated battles through out the children’s lifetime.  Child custody can result in a split between parents' responsibilities.  Children are often shared in a child custody case.  Then there is joint custody, which is another type of child custody.  Split custody means each parent has full custody for a period of time and joint custody means they both have child custody jointly.

Child custody laws frequently change, and the courts are more in favor of searching for the best situation and the environment for the children when going through a divorce. Often, the parent who is on the losing end of the child custody case feels like a victim of the divorce and of the failed marriage. Parents that are on the ‘losing’ end of the agreement often feel like they have to try to turn the children against the other parent.

Turning the children against another parent is done through words, actions and continued badgering of the child. When one parent is always saying bad things about one parent to the child, all that this really does in the end is hurt the child. The child should not be put in the middle of your arguments; it is bad enough that they have to listen to you fighting before the divorce.  After custody has been settled, everyone needs to at least ‘get along’ for the benefit of the child, emotional scars are tough for a child of any age. When both parents try for the best of the best of the child, the child will be more secure and confident about their situation – they will feel as if they are ‘allowed’ to love both of their parents equally!

If you are being sued for custody, you need to do your research and some hard thinking about your situation. Can your ex provide a better situation for your child or children? Do you feel that you are the better-suited parent for full time legal and physical custody? Long after the settlement for divorce has been made, the children are going to suffer if you don’t make the right decisions. If you truly love your children and you can’t care for them financially or emotionally, then the children may be better off with your ex. If you love your children, plus you have the financial stability and the power emotionally to handle raising the children alone – then fight for them!

Don't go into court without learning all you can about child custody laws, what you can change later if things don’t go right for the kids. What if things get better for you, can you get the children back?  If your ex remarries the spouse from hell, what exactly can you do about it?  What if the kids want to change who that they live with, when can they make their own decisions?  You need to learn the many laws that affect your state, your surroundings and when and if you can change custody arrangements and child support payments.  The appeal process can be used any time your situation changes or when the children have a different need.

Being a single parent is tough, so be sure you study the child custody laws carefully and decide how your life will resume from that point forward. You will have responsibilities every day. You have to look out for the best of the children.  You don’t have to be a lawyer, but you need to understand what your lawyer is going to need to do the very best job for you and yours in a child custody fight. 

Choosing a lawyer can be difficult no matter what your situation is. Be sure to look for a lawyer that has links in your hometown. It is a known fact that lawyers with links to the court house are going to be able to get a better deal with the judge, while this is not always the case it is a good start. Looking for a lawyer that is in your hometown will ensure that you are going to be using a lawyer that is going to be more in line with the prices of your town. Sometimes going with an out of town lawyer means that you could be paying more than you have to.

Choosing a lawyer is just like choosing a doctor. You have to be able to trust your lawyer and know that they are going to ‘fight’ for what you want and not just get the court case in and out of the way.  Your lawyer should offer you advice and should answer all your questions about your case. If you are asking questions without getting answers, then maybe you should be seeking out a different lawyer. 

There are many heated discussions and battles that will take place during divorce about money. When you are getting a divorce and there are children involved, child custody and child support become very important topics.  Child support and child custody are issues that are going to walk hand in hand.

One last thing that you might want to think about when deciding if you want to fight for sole custody or if you are going to have joint or shared custody is that you could still be paying the same amount of child support even if you have the child three or four days of each week. Consider having your lawyer use this fact in your child support case when you have gotten everything you wanted when fighting your child custody case!